No More Rainbow Sparkles
But I am going to figure out what it is that I want. And I am going to make it happen.
“Happiness is not a crock.” I wrote that in my journal when I was 17. I have heard and read all about happiness: how to find it, stop looking for it, it is inside you all the time, you only find it when you stop looking, it finds you…. Blah blah blah. I’m not trying to find happiness, people. I am happiness, I create happiness, I understand happiness. I am one with happiness. I am making the decision today to be happy. If my choices don’t make me happy, I will make different choices.
I am not going to write this blog anymore. It’s feeling too contrived and like I am looking around for lessons to learn so I can post about them. Think about it: if I am looking around for lessons to learn then that means I am looking for problems or things that are awry or that need to be fixed and that is only breeding more negativity in my life. I am going to focus on cutting out everything in my life, my world, that does not make my heart sing and scream with happiness. I want to be alone in my creative space, not requiring validation from the number of pageviews I accumulate.
This blog was not a mistake. This blog was not a lesson to be learned. This blog helped me to realize what I don’t want so that I can be one step closer to what I do want.
I want to be creatively free. I want to write and read and paint everyday and have more than enough money to do the things I want to do. Like travel.
I don’t want to write this blog anymore. So I am not going to. I may submit poems to bentlily, or open an etsy store and sell my art. Maybe contribute to the Thought Catalog. I am not going to stop writing. Ever. But I am not writing this blog anymore. Ever. I signed up for a creative writing class at my alma mater. I am so excited. I’m a nerd. I love school. Sue me.
I think I will just practice writing fiction every day, since that has always been my passion and I forgot about that for a second, caught up in the glitz of the internet and the blogs that I read (which are lovely.) So many of those blogs are all about how to make money online. “Give me money and I’ll tell you how I did it!” Not that these are bad people, but I just don’t think I want to make money online anymore. I don’t think it is for me. I want to write and read and make art and travel and make love, that’s it. The internet is not that important to me right now. I need to go back to square one. And I am. Bye you guys. You’re beautiful and I love you.